What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize