Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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