i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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