I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
