My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
