I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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