And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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