Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
