I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We named our party play list daddy issues
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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