that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
