I cannot find my penis.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
