trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
