With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
