so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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