I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
