I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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