I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
