It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
