Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
