I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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