I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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