youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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