He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
