this boner is exhausting
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
