so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
