I just saw a hot homeless man
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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