They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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