But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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