Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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