Sponge bath it is.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
