I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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