He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
