I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
