Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
