I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
