I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Pooping to opera.
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