I need help removing her.
her vagine was all disorganized.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
