I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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