turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
