Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
