you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
