so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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