Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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