Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
