I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
