mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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