I am in a vortex of obligation.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
