just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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