Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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