I can text with my tongue
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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