Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
