How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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