So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
