Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
