Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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