she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
