She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
