Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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