those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
