OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
