dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
