i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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