Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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