seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
