I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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